


Guilt.

by Anonymous



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, graphic description of self harm, please dont read this is self harm is a sensitive topic for you, sorry shuuichi is a giant cc of mine, this isnt proof read or edited i wrote in half an hour at 3am, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 13:57:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14356905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Guilt.Shuuichi felt guilt.He had dragged himself from Kaede’s lab just after the night time announcement. He wasn’t sure how long he was in there. Staring at the piano that was stationed in the middle of the room, despite the fact no one was playing it, piano music filled the air. He closed his eyes. Maybe if he imagined hard enough he could pretend the keys where being pressed and that he wasn’t alone.





	Guilt.

**Author's Note:**

> This is extremely heavy and 110% a vent fic. It contains suicidal thoughts/going to attempt suicide/ graphic descriptions of self harm. Please don't read this if it’ll trigger you. Please don't self harm it’s really fuckign addicting and it ruins your body and mind. it’s like cigarettes or drugs. It leaves permanent effects on your body and makes you fuckign ashamed of yourself. It scars your body and please look up alternatives, or seek help. This is coming from someone who’s struggled with it for years and this is my way of letting the emotions out without actually sh.

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Guilt.

Shuuichi felt guilt. 

He had dragged himself from Kaede’s lab just after the night time announcement. He wasn’t sure how long he was in there. Staring at the piano that was stationed in the middle of the room, despite the fact no one was playing it, piano music filled the air. He closed his eyes. Maybe if he imagined hard enough he could pretend the keys where being pressed and that he wasn’t alone.

He also felt stupid.

He felt stupid that once again he got so attached to someone so easily. He felt stupid that whenever someone treated him with the smallest bit of human decency. Did he actually care or consider Kaede a friend? Or was he just upset that he lost the person he could latch onto. He felt stupid that he came up with an idiot plan that would’ve worked just as well if he pulled it off by himself. No one would be dead. Rantaro wouldn’t be sprawled on the floor, blood pooling at his head and decorating the walls. Kaede wouldn’t be impaled and crushed by an oversized piano. Maybe he would’ve killed someone else. He’d be dead in Kaede’s place and no one would care or miss him. Maybe he should’ve just killed himself. That was a better plan, he should’ve taken a knife from the kitchen, rammed it into his stomach until all the blood had drained from his body. He’d be dead and everyone would be happy. No one else would have to die. The time limit would be gone and he wouldn’t have to burden anyone, no one would have to look at him. He’d be useful for once. 

An icy cold feeling gripped his chest. Tear threatening to fall from his eyes. A small smile appeared on his face. 

It was hard to make himself stand up. 

He trudged to the dining hall, his head never shutting up. A small distant part of his mind yelled at him. He was being stupid. This wasn’t a good idea. He dismissed the thoughts. That small part of his brain wasn’t rational, maybe it was. Maybe it was right. Maybe he should just go to bed, despite the fact the voices that told him to end it where always louder when he tried to sleep. They made his chest hurt and tighten, they made him shove his face into the pillow to muffle his sobs. His parents hated it when he woke them up crying. His uncle never seemed to wake up though, either that or he just ignored him. 

His hand was shaking as he put it on the dining hall handle, but as he pushed it down he found it would stick less than halfway through. After a few desperate tries at opening it, he finally put together it was locked. It was past the announcement. Of course it was locked. How fucking idiotic was he. 

His mind searched for a solution. The small part of his brain was becoming louder, but once again the thoughts where pushed to the side. His chest hurt more now. His breathing stuttering and inconsistent as he tried to keep his sobs at bay. 

Shuuichi didn’t realise that he had somehow made his way into the warehouse. He remembered Miu saying something about meds when he first met her. An idea formed in his head. 

Shuuichi spent a good twenty minuets looking for any type of medication, but he came back empty handed. Anger bubbled In his chest before disappearing. He looked around for anything else he could use, but eventually his eyes settled on cheap art supplies. 

He walked towards them, eyes scanning over them. He vaguely wondered if Angie had taken any, or if she disliked using inexpensive drawing materials. Maybe her god only liked her painting or sculpting with more quality supplies. “Only the best for atua” She would probably say. He didn’t know her well enough for that to be accurate. 

Shuuichi grabbed a sharpener and a roll of bandages (he thought it was a little stupid to have bandages but no painkillers), he also grabbed a notebook what’s pages looked thin and recycled, and a packet of pencils. He didn’t plan on using the notebook or the pencils, they just gave him a reasonable excuse for being out so late. He could use the excuse he wanted to investigate the school since he couldn’t sleep, and these where for taking notes. He was a detective after all. They should buy that if they weren’t Kokichi. 

He managed to get back to the dorms without bumping into anyone. He saw Kaito lying down on the grass, staring up at the artificial sky. Gonta was crouching next to him, most likely looking for bugs, he could tell they where talking to each other, but he was too far away to hear what they where saying. He’d feel guilty eavesdropping anyway. 

He could hear noises from Himiko’s room, Tenko’s voice boomed through the door, she seemed happy about something. He wondered how she could be joyous in a situation like this. Shuuichi concluded she was likely lying to herself or trying to keep her or Himiko’s spirits up. As rude as she was to him and the other guys, she didn’t seem heartless. 

Shuuichi entered his room, double checking he locked it before walking towards his bed. Before he sad down he placed his hat on the night stand and changed into pyjamas Monokuma had provided. A dark grey t-shirt and black sweats. Next he grabbed the notebook, using he edge as makeshift screwdriver to loosen the screw on the sharpener. He remembered the saying his uncle used to use whenever he was unscrewing something - Righty tighty and lefty loosey – as he did. Once the blade was loose enough to be dislodged, he took it off the sharpener and threw the rest of it somewhere. 

He shuffled his sweats down until his thighs where exposed, pushing down his boxer leg as well. Previous scars littered his skin, he traced a few of them with his hand. He didn’t remember any of the stories behind them. He wondered how people could remember why and when they have placed them there. It just seemed unnecessary to him. 

After a few seconds of staring at his thigh, he grabbed the blade, and pressed it against him. The metal was cool and clean. He put a little more pressure, until his skin began to sink. He lifted it off again, he forgot to grab toilet paper but that didn’t matter to him at the moment. He could just hobble over there later while trying not to drip blood on the floor. 

Taking a death breath, he began to drag it across his skin, he hadn’t added any pressure. So it was more of a tickle that nipped. He let himself get used to the sensation before he pressed any harder. The next few cuts where deeper, a small whimper of pain left his mouth by accident, to stop him doing it again he bit his lip. He stared at his thigh, blood started beading across the cuts, before pooling at one side. The tightness from his chest seemed to become a little more bearable. Taking that as encouragement, he pressed harder, hissing as he did. He could see the skin opening as he dragged the blade across, he would’ve continued but blood from one of the previous cuts touched his wrist. The bead of blood becoming disturbed and began going down his leg. He watched it travel, grimacing at the trail it left.

He remembered the blood trailing from Rantaro’s head. 

This is what he deserved.

He continued slicing. Occasionally switching from slow deep cuts to just swiping the blade across his now bloodied thigh, with quick, swallow cuts forming from it. He continued until blood covered his hand and his wrist became sore. He continued until all the sobs and tears had left his body and all he could do was hiccup weakly. He continued until he felt calm and releaved and happier. 

It was hard to stand up afterwards. He put the blade next to his hat and hobbled over to the bathroom, each step sending a new wave of pain. It wasn’t pleasant though. He wondered why. 

It took a good half an hour or so for all the cuts to stop bleeding or at least clot enough for him to wrap bandages around the new cuts without the bandages becoming soaked within five minuets. Though them becoming a little bloody couldn’t be avoided. He tossed and turned so much in his sleep he was sure to open one of the cuts eventually. Once he was done, he washed his hands, and tried to forget the fact there was a mirror in front of him. He would cover it tomorrow.

Luckily for him, it was easier to walk back to bed. He pushed the blade inside his drawer and covered it with the notebook. He would clean his bedsheets in the morning. He was too tired to care. 

It was easier to sleep. The voices in his head where satisfied for now at least. 

…

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I feel really fucking shitty and I needed to vent and this got kinda out of hand but it stopped me from actually relapsing so that; s good I guess
> 
> Please don't leave any criticism or whatever or ask me if I'm okay. This is just to cheer me up bc a lot of old feelings and I accidentally triggered(?) myself by seeing really graphic images of cuts so whoops


End file.
